Episode 5 – Three Little Words [And in my opinion – the best Miranda episode yet!]
Yes – they are “I love you”, and Mike is saying them to Miranda! The problem is all she can manage in return is “Well Done. You’re welcome!”.
Unfortunately she can’t talk it through with Stevie because they’ve fallen out, since Mike’s become a bit too much of a distraction. Gary has bought the restaurant and is, rather originally, naming it “Gary’s”. Very stressed about opening day he’s at loggerheads with Mike, whose mind on his fifteen year old dog Daisy who might need putting down. Penny and Stevie get very excited when Raymond Blanc comes to the shop, and Penny wastes no time trying to get him to come to her tennis club dinner but he wastes no time in hurrying away.
With Stevie no help – Miranda turns to a shop customer to help her with her love life, but after discovering the true love of her life is doughnuts, he advises that she split up with Mike. Miranda seeks comfort in the beanbag but Stevie soon comes to her rescue, the prune to Miranda’s emotional constipation. Thanks to Stevie, Miranda finds that the reason she can’t tell Mike she loves him is because although she does love him, she’s not IN love with him. Stevie and the customer encourage her to break up with Mike, but Miranda doesn’t know how.
It’s not long before Mike tells Miranda that “they need to talk” and she panics. She tells Mike she needs “a breather… breeder… dog breeder, horses, horse dogs”. Just as she’s about to tell him the truth he spots Raymond Blanc and runs off, as a spying Penny falls into a street bin.
Gary meanwhile, is also panicking and asks Miranda to help out on opening night. He also reveals that Rose has been texting him constantly and is coming tonight. As he leaves, she utters a small “I love you”, then brushes it away when Stevie picks up on it. But it’s too late, Miranda finally realises that it’s Gary she loves. She wants to run and tell him straight away – but then realises there’s a problem… she’s still with Mike.
She asks Mike round to talk to him and break up with him, when he gets a text from his Dad saying Daisy’s died and of course she has to put off telling him. Stevie and the customer try to reassure Miranda that it doesn’t matter when she tells Gary, as long as Rose doesn’t get her calws back into him first. An angry Gary bursts in, “just for a quick one” (yes please), annoyed that Miranda didn’t come to help him on time and tells her not to bother. Instead he’s asked Rose to come and help. Stevie urges Miranda to go straight to Gary’s with the help of a Gary Barlow mask and a (new!) imitation of Heather Small – ‘One Night in Heaven’. With that Miranda is Febreezed out the door.
In the restaurant a blotchy with excitement Miranda tries to make the declaration of a lifetime to Gary. He seems absolutely thrilled as she begins her slightly breathless revelation, his eagerness “Oh Miranda.. I don’t believe it” eggs her on until he cries “It’s Raymond Blanc!”. “Raymond Bloody Blanc!” who keeps messing up Miranda’s life and who it turns out is hiding from ‘a crazy woman’ (Penny).
Emergency meeting with Stevie and the customer is called, they decide the only way to win back Gary is with romance, and what could be more romantic than a picnic in the park? If only it weren’t so hard to sit on the ground. A rushed Gary is less than impressed when he arrives, for what he thinks will be a meeting with Stevie. and sees Miranda. He begins to walk away but Miranda apologises for not helping and offers him some champagne. Romantic music begins playing, thanks to the customer hidden up a tree. Just as Miranda begins to lean in to kiss him, a flock of geese come running towards a terrified Gary. After fleeing back to the restaurant Miranda tries once again to tell Gary she loves him.
A pair of hands cover her eyes and she reveals her secret confession, that she is “absolutely, ridiculously, embarrassingly in love with (you)” before turning round to a delighted Mike. Penny sweeps in and Mike leaves with her to go to talk to Miranda’s father. As Rose arrives, Stevie grabs Gary and kisses him. She succeeds in her goal, and an angry Rose storms out… along with an upset Miranda.
After an offensive exchange in ‘Fake French’, Miranda vows to kiss Gary Barlow in revenge but realising that’s unlikely, takes the customer as her new best friend. Penny arrives and excitedly tells them all that Mike is going to propose to Miranda, which is apparently perfect because “he doesn’t really know her and won’t know what he’s getting until it’s too late”. Mike arrives and gets down on one knee… to tie his shoe. He asks her sit down, then tells her that he’s been offered a job in Africa, as she reveals she’s in love with… TalkTalk. Miranda tells Mike he must take the job and after agreeing they’ll still talk, they part.
In the restaurant, Gary is anxious for Raymond Blanc to enjoy the evening. When Miranda declares she doesn’t care, Gary becomes irate – and demands to know what could possibly have been more important than coming to help him open his restaurant. In a burst she shouts – “Splitting up with my boyfriend and telling you I’m completely and utterly, head-over-heels in love with you! I love you!” An astonished Rose leaves swiftly.
In an attempt to ease the tension Miranda sings ” I’m a little coconut, ugly and hairy but when you split me open I ooze milk”. Just as Miranda goes to flush herself down a plughole, and Penny leaves from embarrassment Gary Barlow arrives! He agrees to attend Penny’s tennis club dinner – “Take That Raymond Blanc!” and is pulled over to Stevie by Miranda, who kisses him.
Later Miranda is a little upset that Gary didn’t say he loved her but maybe that will be next episode?
Miranda – Miranda Hart
Stevie – Sarah Hadland
Gary – Tom Ellis
Penny – Patricia Hodge
Mike – Bo Poraj
The Customer – Dominic Coleman
Rose – Naomi Bentley
Plus guest starring: Raymond Blanc and Gary Barlow as themselves.
This episode is available on iPlayer until 28th January 2013.
The last ever (?) Miranda TV episode will air next Monday at 9pm on BBC1. With a potential film on the way – https://tvandfilms.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/miranda-the-movie/.